Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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