ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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