Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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