HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
