it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize