I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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