Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
