the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
