Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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