You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I love you. Go after that dick
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
