we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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