using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
