just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The uberlube is also flammable
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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