She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize