We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
