i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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