somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she looked like the before picture.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
