She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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