we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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