O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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