can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
