We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think my moral compass just broke
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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