I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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