I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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