Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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