Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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