And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
