I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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