guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
