...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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