Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize