i jhust puked up my retainher.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
