C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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