yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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