i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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