i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
