So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
