Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
