a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
