i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
