its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
