im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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