Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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