i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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