fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
