explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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