bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
