My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
