if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
