Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
