I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this boner is exhausting
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
