Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
