come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
