So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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