i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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