i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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