just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
