It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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