yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
