halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
