Already got asked if we're dating
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
