Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
