shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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